Been trying sleeping better

Hello everyone the medicine that Dr. Wylie put me on seems like it is working I'm getting a little more sleep. I guess this coming Saturday Neil and I will go look for a headstone for Merrill's grave. I've been dread doing it because it means it finale. Tomorrow I going over to Voc. Reb. to see what they can do for me maybe find a job, after Christmas. I don't know I been having trouble filling out the papers for them so if I don't get them done I hope they help me finish them. I just don't if I'm ready to do it all over again by myself again, it is scary. I got a resume done, that I been working on with the LDS Employment. I miss Merrill and I know he waiting and prepareing the way for us to come back to him and God. Kaleb and I went and put flowers on his grave today because it's been two months, sent he went home to Heaven. I enjoyed the other night over at Donna's with all of you guys. I will go for now and hope to see you soon.
Love Iris
P.S. I think I need a break for a couple of days from everything, any sugguestings.

Hello Everyone

I went to the Dr Wylie yesterday again and he twitch my new medicine ZOLPIDEM *FF* to RESTORIL 30MG CAP. I took it last night and sleep till 4:00 A.M. this morning. I think this medicine will work. I felt like I was walking around like a ZOMBIE. I have had Priesthood Blessing to help me sleep they help the night I get them but then they don't work the next night. Last Neil and Meghan and family came over had family home evening with me it was nice Meghan gave the lesson on repentance, we wrote or sins on rocks then she put them a sack and had the kids carry the sack on there back they said it was heavy, and then she took the rocks out of the sack and let them hold it, that's how she explain about repentance when we repent are sins are wash away, and the burden is took away from us by Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I just thought I would write down some things that you might me to share, Thank John for calling the other night, it help me. Yesterday My Sister-in-law in Kansas died, My big brother Roger called me back and said hello and that made my night so much easier he ask me how I was doing and I told him, and he said I guess that I will go though too, but we can go though it together, and he said I could call him and just to help me out he was my faviorte big brother while I was going up, don't get me wrong I love all my brothers and sisters. I love you all. I will go for now.
Thanks and I love you Iris

A Letter To Merrill:

Dear Merrill, I miss you so very much. I don't sleep very well sent you went back home to Heaven. I had to go see Dr Wylie and he change my Doxepin to a new medicine so far it hasn't help me very well. I need to say to you that I'm sorry and I love you with all heart, It feels like I am trying to climb that mountain alone again to reach the rainbow but I know you will be there waiting for me. I trying to figure out what I need to do and you know me I had a hard time making decision especially if they are big ones. Jay Steineckert made me a CD with song The you wanted him to play at your funeral I Walk with God, I know That My Redeemer Lives, and he wrote a song for just us God Bless You and Played it too. I will do my best with out you but it isn't going to be easy. I Love you. By For Now Your Wife Iris
P.S. I went to the Temple with Mrs. Walker and Carrie Thursday and it was a wonderful experience, I cried and wasn't sure If I could make it though the Veil but they help me get though it. and when I got into the room I sat down and cried and prayed to Heavenly Father, I felt you said it was OK. LOVE YOUR WIFE IRIS

yesterday was not so bad

I guess yesterday wasn't so bad, even though I want to cancelled the Sunday off the candler. It work out ok It was my first birthday with out Merrrill for eighteen years and it di seem strange not hasving him here, cause I know he would of took me to chuck-a-rama for my birthday to eat. Welll Karl and Carrie boys brought a birthday cake too me and Michael made dinner for us to eat, but I saw so tired I fell to sleep right church. Marion called and wished me a Happy Birthday. then later John called and said happy birthday. I love all you guys.
Saturday we went and celabrated Kalebs birthday because he is going to be the 4 years old today.
Love Iris

Birthday

Well it's that time a year again but it is going to be different without Merrill around. Tomorrow we are going over to orem and for a birthday party for Kaleb he is going to be big 4. Yesterday I took him with me for a ride to Spanish Fork and we had lunch and a ice cream cone together and went and got him a outfit for school. I can't believe he is already 4, It seems like yesterday he was born I remember holding him right after he was born and I thought how much he look like Karl. I ask him whose have a birthday and he say's you and me. I remember when he was going to be born I was hoping he would be born on my birthday Carrie tried her best she was in the hospital that day but he waited til the next day. So I guess he want his own birthday but that's ok. I proud of him any way. Merrill miss our birthday's last year because he was in the hospital and now he is going watch us from Heaven this year. We have a Angel watching over us for our birthday. Well I live you all and I hope you still check the blog out. I will still writing things down and try to inform you of what is going on.
Love all of you Iris

I'm Lost

I'm lost like a little child wandering away form their parents. There's been so much things I need to do but can't seem to do them. I thinking about finding a part time job, but not sure yet. I just need extra money some how so that's what I thinking of. I'm going to go to group therapy starting next Tuesday, and talking with a new counsel name Diane, on Wednesday. I go up to the library and do excrise class, then go down stairs and walk on the walker and ride the bike for half hour, then go home. I think Carrie will change the picture of Merrill it will be both of Merrill and I, don't when she will put in but she said she would. I hope you guys are still checking it. I love you lots and hope to see some of you soon.
Love Iris