Happy New Year's

Happy New Year's! everyone I'm having a sleep over with my grandson's Kaleb, and Von, Karl, and Carrie's, children. Mike, and Elise, and Tanner, went over to Santaquin to their friends Tim, and Amy's, house to spend the night. They will be back tomorrow. I took Kaleb, and Von, to see the movie Bolt it's about a dog and it was a very good show for little children. I wouldn't mind getting it when it comes out on DVD. I talked to Donna, tonight and she said I need to go see another movie name Bed Time Stories, she said that she went and seen it and it was a very good one, so I will have to go see it. I miss Merrill, very much, my heart is so full of pain right now that I can't explain, I had a blessing on the Sunday before Christmas from my Home Teacher. My friend Jay Steineckert, said the New Year, should be better for me. I hope it will. Hey everyone, write to me some time. I here from Dennis, and Elna, but not much of you other guys. I enjoy calling talking to Marion, I felt lonely the other day and thought if I could talk with her it would be like talking to Merrill, because she is his twin. I talk to John, once in a while. I would like all of you to send me something about Merrill. that sticks out in our minds so I can write it in his book I am going to start soon. I found some papers he wrote on they don't say very much but it will be a start. Bill, and Myrna, has sent me some thing his talk from Merrill's, funeral. Elna, told me about the day when Merrill, and Marion, was born that she got to go in to see them and it was pretty neat one baby on each side but she couldn't touch them just look. John, said he has some things written down but he has not sent it yet. I guess I will go for now and write later I love you all.
Love Iris

Christmas

Christmas was a great day it was a exciting one someone left two hundred dollars in a envelope for me on my door step. and then the Parry's, left 50 dollars at my door step for me. I cried thanking Heavenly Father for the people who care for me. I even got a gift card from Walmart from my Guardian Angels. Mike and Elise, gave me a lamp, and Carrie, gave me new PJ'S that what Merrill would get me for Christmas. Brian and Cindy, gave a beautiful crochet table cloth. And Karl and Carrie, gave me a box of coconut chocolates and a book from Hilary Weeks (Believe In what you're doing Believe in who you are) Neil and Meghan, gave me a candle and a gift card from Walmart. Lica and Michael, gave me a flag with a picture of a cat on it. And Santa Claus, kept coming all the week before Christmas and it was fun to see what he would bring. Then a Secret Friend, came all also. I wish a everyone a Happy New Year. I even got a beautiful green throw to put over me when I'm cold it kind of looks like a sweater, I love it. Joy, sent a email and ask me to join her facebook so I did some of my nieces have join the facebook too, Carrie and Bill join facebook too. Its kind of neat if any one of you would like to join it you may. Anna and Venene, to visit me before they went home, we had a nice visit. Well I love you all Iris

Lonely Holidays

Hello everyone I'm starting to feel lonely a lot and missing Merrill. Last night was not a very good night. I hurt so much these days my back and my asthma is bothering me a lot lately I went to the doctor the other day and he gave me some cold medicane, to take. I'm going to be working with Vocational Reb. to get a part time job. I have been talking with John and have another meeting with him Tuesday with Ashley, they will help me find a job and go the interview with and coach me till I am ready to do it on my own. I hope everyone is doing good. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year too all of you with thoughts of love, I found me a Carpenters Christmas CD and I pray it I love to listen to the song Merry Christmas Darling. I put a flower on his grave with a snowman made of tin, and wrote his name on the snowman. I took my little grandson Kaleb to it the other day. Michael and Elise have help me put up the christmas decration and the Christmas Tree, just look at the tree and it made think of Merrill so I cried, I think of him often these days and pray to God a lot to guide me though this Holidays. Well I sign off for now. Write to me please everyond and tell me how you ae doing.
Love you all Iris

Day after Thanksgiving

Hi everyone hows things go? Well yesterday was a hard day for me I woke up about five thirty or sooner and had this pain in my chest, then tears just filled my eyes and I started to cry. Then I got down on my knees and said a prayer. I thought my heart was breaking into and it felt the pain so bad. So before I went down to Karl's I ask him if he could give me a blessing when I got there. And he gave me a beautiful blessing before everyone else came. I was crying and I seen a tear in his eye too. We talk and I told him I just miss Merrill so much. He told me that Heavenly Father loved and wanted me to know that his hands are reached out for me all I have to do his take hold and he would comfort me.
Michael and I put Christmas decations on the lawn today, tomorrow we will put the lights on the house.
I want all of you to to know that I love you all Iris

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm doing find. I will be having Thanksgiving Dinner with Karl and Carrie and other family members, down at their place. I just hope things are going OK for everyone and all is well. Neil and Meghan and I went and got Merrill's headstone ordered, it will be put in March. I love you all.
Love Iris

My Right Knee

Hi everyone I went to the see Dr. Wylie, today about my knee. It swollen so he put me on some steroids for a week to see if they will, if not then I will have to go orthopedic surgeon, I don't want to have to go too another Doctor. But I guess if I have to I will, to see they can help my knee to stop hurting. Love all of you Iris

The Trees

The trees that spell out Merrill and Iris was sent to me from my dear friend Jay Steineckert and his wife Le Anne. When I open the box and and seen the picture I thought how neat. Then, I found the picture that was frame with the the words and, I read it and it made me cry. How true this is. You grow close together though the years with love and understanding each other. I hope you you are all reading this blog because I will try to keep it up and tell you how things are going with me. I love you all bye for now.
Love Iris

Been trying sleeping better

Hello everyone the medicine that Dr. Wylie put me on seems like it is working I'm getting a little more sleep. I guess this coming Saturday Neil and I will go look for a headstone for Merrill's grave. I've been dread doing it because it means it finale. Tomorrow I going over to Voc. Reb. to see what they can do for me maybe find a job, after Christmas. I don't know I been having trouble filling out the papers for them so if I don't get them done I hope they help me finish them. I just don't if I'm ready to do it all over again by myself again, it is scary. I got a resume done, that I been working on with the LDS Employment. I miss Merrill and I know he waiting and prepareing the way for us to come back to him and God. Kaleb and I went and put flowers on his grave today because it's been two months, sent he went home to Heaven. I enjoyed the other night over at Donna's with all of you guys. I will go for now and hope to see you soon.
Love Iris
P.S. I think I need a break for a couple of days from everything, any sugguestings.

Hello Everyone

I went to the Dr Wylie yesterday again and he twitch my new medicine ZOLPIDEM *FF* to RESTORIL 30MG CAP. I took it last night and sleep till 4:00 A.M. this morning. I think this medicine will work. I felt like I was walking around like a ZOMBIE. I have had Priesthood Blessing to help me sleep they help the night I get them but then they don't work the next night. Last Neil and Meghan and family came over had family home evening with me it was nice Meghan gave the lesson on repentance, we wrote or sins on rocks then she put them a sack and had the kids carry the sack on there back they said it was heavy, and then she took the rocks out of the sack and let them hold it, that's how she explain about repentance when we repent are sins are wash away, and the burden is took away from us by Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I just thought I would write down some things that you might me to share, Thank John for calling the other night, it help me. Yesterday My Sister-in-law in Kansas died, My big brother Roger called me back and said hello and that made my night so much easier he ask me how I was doing and I told him, and he said I guess that I will go though too, but we can go though it together, and he said I could call him and just to help me out he was my faviorte big brother while I was going up, don't get me wrong I love all my brothers and sisters. I love you all. I will go for now.
Thanks and I love you Iris

A Letter To Merrill:

Dear Merrill, I miss you so very much. I don't sleep very well sent you went back home to Heaven. I had to go see Dr Wylie and he change my Doxepin to a new medicine so far it hasn't help me very well. I need to say to you that I'm sorry and I love you with all heart, It feels like I am trying to climb that mountain alone again to reach the rainbow but I know you will be there waiting for me. I trying to figure out what I need to do and you know me I had a hard time making decision especially if they are big ones. Jay Steineckert made me a CD with song The you wanted him to play at your funeral I Walk with God, I know That My Redeemer Lives, and he wrote a song for just us God Bless You and Played it too. I will do my best with out you but it isn't going to be easy. I Love you. By For Now Your Wife Iris
P.S. I went to the Temple with Mrs. Walker and Carrie Thursday and it was a wonderful experience, I cried and wasn't sure If I could make it though the Veil but they help me get though it. and when I got into the room I sat down and cried and prayed to Heavenly Father, I felt you said it was OK. LOVE YOUR WIFE IRIS

yesterday was not so bad

I guess yesterday wasn't so bad, even though I want to cancelled the Sunday off the candler. It work out ok It was my first birthday with out Merrrill for eighteen years and it di seem strange not hasving him here, cause I know he would of took me to chuck-a-rama for my birthday to eat. Welll Karl and Carrie boys brought a birthday cake too me and Michael made dinner for us to eat, but I saw so tired I fell to sleep right church. Marion called and wished me a Happy Birthday. then later John called and said happy birthday. I love all you guys.
Saturday we went and celabrated Kalebs birthday because he is going to be the 4 years old today.
Love Iris

Birthday

Well it's that time a year again but it is going to be different without Merrill around. Tomorrow we are going over to orem and for a birthday party for Kaleb he is going to be big 4. Yesterday I took him with me for a ride to Spanish Fork and we had lunch and a ice cream cone together and went and got him a outfit for school. I can't believe he is already 4, It seems like yesterday he was born I remember holding him right after he was born and I thought how much he look like Karl. I ask him whose have a birthday and he say's you and me. I remember when he was going to be born I was hoping he would be born on my birthday Carrie tried her best she was in the hospital that day but he waited til the next day. So I guess he want his own birthday but that's ok. I proud of him any way. Merrill miss our birthday's last year because he was in the hospital and now he is going watch us from Heaven this year. We have a Angel watching over us for our birthday. Well I live you all and I hope you still check the blog out. I will still writing things down and try to inform you of what is going on.
Love all of you Iris

I'm Lost

I'm lost like a little child wandering away form their parents. There's been so much things I need to do but can't seem to do them. I thinking about finding a part time job, but not sure yet. I just need extra money some how so that's what I thinking of. I'm going to go to group therapy starting next Tuesday, and talking with a new counsel name Diane, on Wednesday. I go up to the library and do excrise class, then go down stairs and walk on the walker and ride the bike for half hour, then go home. I think Carrie will change the picture of Merrill it will be both of Merrill and I, don't when she will put in but she said she would. I hope you guys are still checking it. I love you lots and hope to see some of you soon.
Love Iris

Yesterday had been a month

Yesterday had been a month I took a bouquet of flowers down to his grave. I told him I forgave him for leaving me. And I told him I miss so very much and missed him very much. Then I went over and seen my dad's and moms grave and told them to keep Merrill safe.It just doesn't seem like it been a month. I been feeling a little down a little sick the Dr. Wylie put me a antibiotic and some cough syrup. I still would like t o get up to see you all.
Live Iris

Loneiness

I have never felt so much loneliness in my life even when people are around me. I had a good talk with Jay Steineckert , yesterday. And went to excise class. there was a message at the class Dr. Garret, had from President Hinckey, it was about love and compassion and forgiveness. I thought to myself I need to for give Merrill, for leaving me especially when he told me he would stick around till after Christmas. I talk to Jay, about this and he ask me if I talk to Merrill I told him yes and I told him that I was sad and hurting in side. Today I went to see Becky Wheeler, she does energy therapy, she takes the bad energy out and leaves the positive energy, in you. and it is possiable because, I tried it before and it help me. I went and drop off some things to Meghan and Neil, house yesterday too. Neil , wasn't home but it was nice to see Meghan, and Peter, Laura, and Tom. Jack, wasn't home yet. I had a nice visit with them. I just wish I would dare to drive up and see you Margie and Dennis, and Ed and Marion, and Donna. But I'm , afraid I would get lost. I think I could make it to Tremonton, but not sure you guys need to write me back and tell me how to get there. I better go now love you all Iris

lonely days and nights

Hi everyone It;s been a lonely without Merrill here. At I still wake up and wish he could rub my back and leg. then I realize that he's not here. I'vd gone up to the gym in the libary twice and did some excises. I need to write thank you notes to people but it's been too hard to even try, I did go over and thank Dr. Rich and Dr. Day for all their help. I don't know what toe say But I trade bed rooms with Micheal and Elise it was too hard to sleep in that room. Well i love you guys and will be sending you out a recored services of Merrill to each of you sooon
Love you Iris

I Miss Him

I Miss him very much; I talk with Jay Steineckert, he said they would be days like this. He told me some days I would feel good then other days out of the blues I would be feeling down and lonely and crying. Well Friday night was not a very good night. My little grandson Tanner would not settle down, so I held him till he went to sleep, and then put down by his dad with his bottle, then in a few seconds he was in my room crying so I let him get up in my bed and sleep with me. Then when he woke up he was screaming so I told Michael to come get him. He still would not stop screaming and I don't when he stop cause i went back to sleep. And when Elise came home later from work I was in my bed crying, I was hurting so bad. She thought it was my back and I told you know that it was not my back. That it was my chest, then she ask me if I took one of the pills the Doctor gave and I had not so I got up and took one then I went in the living room and sat with for a while tell I calmed down then I went back to bed. I loved Merrill so much and I am going to miss a lot. I love all of you family and friends.
Love Iris

Obituary

Merrill Asay Despain (May 4, 1939 - August 27, 2008)
Merrill Asay Despain passed away Wednesday, August 27, 2008 at his home in Mapleton at the age of 69. He was born May 4, 1939 in Byron, Wyoming to William Quayle and Mary Asay Despain. He married Gertrude Venene Schnebly in Mesa, Arizona Temple on April 25, 1964. Together they had seven children and were later divorced. He married Iris Ann Robinson in the Provo Temple on January 16, 1990.
Merrill served in the National Guard from 1957-1961. He was an active member of the LDS Church and served a mission to the central states. He loved the outdoors, especially fishing, camping and hunting. He also enjoyed reading, poetry, music and playing the guitar.
He is survived by his wife, Iris; children: Licia Kim, Bill Despain, Neil Despain, Anna Despain and Joy Kunzler; stepchildren: Brian Prince, Michael Prince, Jay Lynn Prince and Karl Prince; 27 grandchildren; and 9 brothers and sisters. He was preceded in death by two sons, David and Benjamin Despain, and one granddaughter, Shyann Prince.
Funeral services will be held Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 11 a.m. in the Mapleton 8th Ward LDS Chapel at 1215 N. 1000 W. in Mapleton. There will be a viewing held Monday evening from 6 to 8 p.m. at Wheeler Mortuary, 211 E. 200 S. in Springville and Tuesday at the church one hour prior to the service. Interment will be in the Springville Evergreen Cemetery.

Merrill's Funeral

The Funeral will be Tuesday at 11:00 Am and hour prior to services. At Mapleton 8th ward at 1215 N. 1000 W. Mapleton. And a viewing on Monday evening 6 to 8 PM , at the Wheeler Mortuary 211 E. 200 S. Springville. Interment will be in the the Springville Evergreen Cemetery. Thank everyone for your support. Love Iris

Merrill

This evening the family in the area all came over and spent some time with Merrill. He passed away peacefully early this morning. Details will follow for the funeral and viewing. We will all miss him.

Merrill, We had some bad news:

Hello everyone, Merrill's not doing very well, this morning he stared to throw up. Last night I couldn't get him to swallow his medicine. The hospice nurse came out this morning, and check him out he was not responding. So she look at me and said I think I need too tell you that I think it is sooner then we think it was going to be. Maybe two weeks or less. She talk to Neil this morning for me. I called my bishop and told him what she said. I called my doctor while she was here, and I broke down, so she talk to my doctors nurse and they gave me some (diazepam) gen. for Valium. Right now Merrill is out of it and she got them to send some medicine to give him to keep him comfortable. I want you all to know that we love you very much.
LOVE IRIS AND MERRILL

Merrill fell

Merrill, felled Sunday morning, he didn't break any bones but pulled some tendence, the hospice nurse Dana, wrap his knee up. John and Sandra, came down Monday and came over that night for awhile. John, read some stories out of a book he brought with them, and brought Merrill some treats. Donna , been over to see him twice. I think he enjoyed their company, I did. The hospice people are coming over tonight to talk with me and the kids to see if they can help more and maybe give me a break from Merrill, too. And other things. I wish some of you were closer by so you could see Merrill. We love you all.
Iris and Merrill

This Week

Hi everyone this week Merrill's been in bed almost all day except to change bedding. He just has not had very much strength. They started him on a new pain pill this week too to help with the pain he's been having. If there is any change I will let you know later. We love you all very much.
LOVE IRIS AND MERRILL

Merrill doing:

Hi everyone Merrill has not feeling very well today. We like the hospice people. The Chaplan came by and we had a nice visit with him. He asked Merrill if would be OK to come back again and Merrill said yes. He's been with them for ten years. And said he felt very welcome today even though we did not know him Merrill said I know you. Our little grandson Tanner wasn't sure about him at first then he looked at the picture of Jesus on the wall then looked at him and stared to say things in his own way. I think he thought it was the same person on the wall, but that is OK it was intersting to hear him talk. We want you all to know that we love you very much.
Love Iris and Merrill

-A Big Decision

A big decision we are not going to do chemo any more. We are going to get Hospice. We have talk to Doctor Wylie today, and will talk to Doctor Rich, Friday. Hospice will come out tomorrow to talk with us, The doctor at the hospital said this isn't doing Merrill any good going into the hospital every time his blood pressure is up high because this time it cause some problems with is heart, and they had to give him some lastix to get the water fruid down away from his heart cause he gain about 20 pounds in one week, since he seen the doctor last. That way Merrill and I can have some Quality time together. We love you all and thank you for your support.
LOVE IRIS AND MERRILL
P.S. We have talk to Neil about this too. We hope every body understands.

Merrrill's in the hospital

Hi everyone Merrill went to have chemo Thursday and ended up in the emergency room, and they admitted him to the hospital. He is in room 363, at Utah Valley. His blood pressure was 215 and his heart rate went up to 152 and down into the 60's. He had a headache and they gave him something for it, so when we got ready to go they were helping me get him in the car and he got very sick so they decide to take him back in to the emergency room. Today he was saying his chest was hurting and he started to sweat, so they did a ekg. I will tell later when he comes home.
Love Iris and Merrill

chemo

Merrill will start Chemo Thursday, we will be over there almost all day from 10:45 till they are done if everything goes ok. We love you all.
Love Iris and Merrill

Sees Dr. Rich

Merrill sees Dr. Rich this afternoon, I don't if they will start him on any thing today, we will see what he says. We had fun up at the Reunion. We have a nurse coming out and checking Merrill's blood pressure and seeing what his blood sugar is. His left foot is swollen the nurse look at it and said it was not containing water, so maybe he twisted it when his scooter ran over his foot. She said have Dr. Rich look at it. Well I will go for now and let you know later what Dr. Rich says. Merrill would like to thank eveyone who came to the reunion.
Love you all
Iris and Merrill

Home

Hello everyone I brought Merrill home from the hospital this afternoon, They started him on a new antibiotic and should help him and in ceased his blood pressure medication. He's sleeping right now. I guess we see you all at the reunion tomorrow.
Love Iris and Merrill

The Fourth of Jul(y (thoughts)

When I woke up this morning, Merrill had been throwing up, and kind of out of it. Karl came up and gave him a blessing. I was a little scared, I couldn't get a response from him. But after Karl left he said hi to me and drink a little water. I love him so much and he been a good step-father to my sons. Karl said he has been a example to him and has shown him great faith in the gospel. I Merrill wants to see his family at the reunion. Yesterday I wrote down results of all the test but I forgot to tell you about the blood count, it is in the 1000, the last time it was a little high I think it was in the 500 or 600. Well I want Merrill children know that I love them too, and their children, I enjoyed watching Neil and Meghan's children grow. Peter plays the flute so well, and Jack and play the piano very well and plays soccer very well too. Tom is a good piano player too, I think Laura plays the piano too. And Meghan has a very sweet spirit she so kind, Neil is very thoughtful. Lica, Anna and Joy are like daughters I never had I love them. Bill and Latoya and their family are very kind and precious. All of Merrill family just seems like my own brothers and sisters. My son Michael and his wife Elica has been helpful, and Karl and Carrie are thoughtful too. Brian and Cindy they want to help but they are down in Manti. We love you all so much
Love Iris and Merrill

CT ABD AND PELVIS WO CNT

Hi everyone just thought I would write down what Dr. Rich showed us today.

Findings: Lungs: There numerous small nodules involving the lungs which have increased in size and number compared to the prior examination. The largest nodule on the right is in the lateral basal segment of right lower lobe as seen on series one image 67 where it measures 7 x 6 mm, and previously measured 4x4 millimeters in size. In the left base in the anterobasal segment, ther is a 9 x 8 mm nodule which previously measured 6 x 5 mm in size and demonstrated central cavitation which is not present at this time.

Findings: Liver: There are multiple hypoattenuating masses in the liver. The largest is in segment 4 and this now measures 7.2 x 5.2 cm transversely where as it previously measured 6.1 x 3.8 cm inlargest dimension. A second lesion in the posterior aspect of the right lobe of the liver superiorly (segment 7) now measures 2.2 x 2.1 cm in size, where as previously measured 1.8 x 1.8 cm in size.

So Dr. Rich talk to us and said there is another Chemo that we could try. So he put Merrill on a antibiotic callled Minocycline, then on the 14Th he will start giving him Protein, then a week later he will start chemo again.

Now about his back there was no cancer in the bones. And Merrill feels a lot better today then yesterday. He had a bad day yesterday.

We Love You All

Iris and Merrill

Back Pain

Merrill's going into the hospital for same day surgery on his back at 11:30 Monday, they are going to shot some medicine into his back it's like cement and it will build up what ever fractures he has in his back. Then Thursday on the 3rd he goes into see Dr. Rich to find out the results of the CT Scan and blood test.
We will let you know later what the Dr Rich says.
Love Iris and Merrill

Hi Merrill has a new Toy

Merill got a new chair that he can ride around in when he goes places, but right now we need help putting into are car. Merrill had ex-rays this morning but they did not work out so we got to back and have them done on Wednesday morning again, then on the 23rd he will have another CT scan on his liver to see how the cancer is doing, Then we will go see Dr Rich after and he will talk to us and go from there, he told us there is another chemo that they could try that might not make Merrill feel so sick. But we have to see, and think about it.
We love all of you Family and Friends
Love Iris and Merrill

Bed

Hi, Merrill's been wanting a new bed for his back been hurting really bad so when I went to talk with Jay my counsel I told him about it so he called Alpine Health Care and they got hold of Doctor Day and they got hold of Orbit Medical, and they brought a Hospital Bed the next day, He enjoyed it that night and sleep very well in it he said. Well I hope everyone has a good Holiday tomorrow, and be careful driving.
Love Iris and Merrill
P.S. We had a nice visit with Joy Friday and Saturday, Anna even came down with their mother to see Joy. We just wish they were closer. Joy brought her little baby boy name Odysseus.. Saturday Karl and Carrie came up to see Joy and Anna, Neil and Meghan came over too, they too pictures. Odysseus is a cute little baby he wasn't afraid to be held by anyone . Well I will go for now.
Love Iris and Merrill

Merrill's Home

Hello everyone Merrill came home from the hospital this afternoon, They gave him three different kind of medication, and told him to discontinue some other medication that he has been taking, He will go back and see Dr. Wylie on Tuesday then he has appointment to see Dr. Day on Thursday. He's resting right now, he needs to use the walker and take it easy for awhile. His daughter Joy coming down on the 22rd, and bring the new baby it will be nice to see her. Well I will go for now and write later.
Love Iris and Merrill

results of hospital stay

Hi Merrill is still in the hospital. Yesterday the Doctor came in and told us that one of Merrill's glands near the kidneys have a some pressure on it and that is what making his blood pressure go down, so now the are giving him steroids hoping this will remove what never it is. And they are giving him extra fluids. Dr Rich ran Merrill's blood test and the marker's up a little but he said with what going on it probably the reason why. He said it is good that we took a break from chemo. He said that he will check it again in three weeks. I will tell you later if things are working out.
Love Iris and Merrill

Hospital

Hello everyone, Doctor Wylie just put Merrill in the hospital. His blood pressure been very low and they want to find out why. They will get Dr. Walker to take a look at him and tell Dr. Rich about what is going on. So he wiill be there till they can straighten things out. He is in the IMC UNIT in room E269. I will let you know later how things are going on.
Love Iris

Help For Merrill

Yesterday we got help for Merrill with Alpine Home Health Care, they will give him Physical Therapy and help me get him bathed. Also a nurse named Val will come out and check on him. The reason for this is he's been falling and I can't get him out of bed. I asked Dr. Wylie when Neil and Michael and I took him down to the doctors. Dr. Wylie told me to decrease his Coreg in half at night. Yesterday he fell back on his bed and started to shake and hit his head on the wall. I'm so stressed out that my blood pressure medication is not working, the Dr. may increase it. Family members and friends I just don't want Merrill to hurt anymore. He says he is fine but he is not, he is hurting a lot and gets dizzy and is tired all the time and sleeps a lot. He just doesn't want you to worry about him. I do know that you worry about him and I'm thankful for it.
Love Iris and Merrill

Visit Yesterday

Merrill went to the Cancer Center yesterday. We had Neil meet us there. We talked to Dr. Rich, he showed us the results of Merrill's CT scan. It shows that the tumors haven't grown very much since January.
We talked about when Merrill's sugar levels drop that he gets shakey and when he tries to stand that he gets off balance and sometimes falls. And that he's been feeling very tired the last two times he came in for Chemo. And Merrill fell Wednesday night. We all agreed with Dr. Rich that Merrill needs a break from Chemo. So he did not have chemo, Dr Rich will still take blood samples and test it. Then a few days later we will go in and talk to him and see how the counts and marker are doing and they will tell us if Merrill needs to start chemo again. If Merrill wants to start it. I will go for now and let you know later how things are going.
Love Iris and Merrill

Merrill's visit to cancer center

Hi everyone,
Merrill had to go to the cancer center and had blood drawn today and had another IV fluids given to him. Next week he will have another CT done then have chemo on Thursday. The doctor will tell us then how many treatments he needs and how the cancer tumors are doing. We went with Neil the other day and watched Jack play soccer. It was fun. Well I will go for now and tell you more next Thursday about how things are doing.
Love Iris and Merrill

Doctor's Appointments

Had to take Merrill to the the Cancer Doctor yesterday to get I V , he felled early this morning and he been a little shaky. He is sleeping right now. Later we are going out to dinner with Karl and Carrie and kids for Karl's birthday. He has three doctor's appointment this coming week I tell you how things go next week after all the appointments. Love you all.
Love Iris and Merrill

Hi Merrill's Feel

Hi, Merrill has been feeling very tired and sick this time around. Yesterday he slept most of the day and was up to use the restroom. We will see how things go today, because he got the pump off this morning. His blood sugar has been down today. John called last night and talked with us about the fishing, or the reunion trip. Well I will go for now hope to here from you soon.


Love Iris and Merrill

chemo

Merrill had Chemo again today he's a little tired but so far is feeling OK. We had a nice visit with Merrill's brother Alan and his wife Jeannie yesterday they stop by on their way home after visiting with Jeannie 's family. They were going to stop in Vernal to visit with their son Keith and family. I will tell you in a couple of days how Chemo is going for Merrill. Neil took Merrill out to lunch a couple of days ago he enjoyed it. We love you all.
Love Iris and Merrill

Tired All The Time

Hello family and friends I know it's been a while Merrill had some Chemo, since the last time I written. He been awful tired lately and sleeping a lot durling the day his blood sugar level been down. He goes to see Doctor Day tomorrow I hope the doctor can fix Merrill's intake of insulin so it won't be so low. I have had cold and it been hard to get rid of it. Saturday Carla came by and said hi, it was nice to see her. Merrill's lookong forward to the fishing trip this summer. I hope all of you can make it if not we will miss you. I will write you later and tell you how Merrill is doing.
Love Iris and Merrill

Doctor's Appointments

Monday Merrill went to to Doctor Walker's and Brad said everything was all right. Today he goes to Doctor Day about his diabetes insulin in take. He has been feeling very well, but tired and he felled down a couple times on Sunday morning he didn't hurt him but it scared me a little, and Michael got scared. Because I was not home and he couldn't get him up. His nose have been bleeding off and on since Sunday too. Brad told us to ask Doctor Rich next time about it when he goes in for Chemo.

Plots

Yesterday we went to the cemetery and looked at the available plots. We chose 2 that are pretty close to the rest of the Robinsons. We bought them, so everything is taken care of in that area.
-Carrie

chemo

Merrill Started Chemo again today, it took them forever to get going because Doctor Rich didn't tell the nurse's that he was going to start him up again today, so we were there till 4:00 today. It was a long day waiting around, are appointment was at 9:30 this morning. I just hope he does better this time around.
Love Iris and Merrill

Angiogram

Merrill had his Angiogram, Doctor Walker said it went find everything was clear of blockage, the value was a little tight but he didn't think Merrill need surgeory at this time, and said he could contiune Chemo. The Stents look good too, that he had placed in him a few years ago. So next week will be Chemo again he needs to take it easy for the next few days. We had a enjoyable time up at Ed and Marian's this week, We hope we can make it to see some more family members soon.
Love Iris and Merrill

To Night Merrill Came Home

I brought Merrill home from the hospital. They did the colonoscopy, and found out that he had hemorrholds. He is glad to be home and we are glad it was nothing else and no more cancer. That's what we were afraid of. Thank you Carrie for posting the other blog. I think I caught my little grandson Tanner's cold. I just hope Merrill does not get it, because , right now he says he has a sore throat. I think I will go for now, we love you.
Love Iris and Merrill

Hospital

Merrill had some problems today and went to the hospital. After a couple of hours he was admitted. Tomorrow they will do a colonoscopy. Hopefully that will show the problem and it will easily be fixable.

Hi Chemo Today

We went to have Chemo today, but while we were talking to Doctor Rich we telling him about what happen Monday, when Merrill told me that he had chest pains, and so I gave him a Nito Pill. So Doctor Rich wanted to talk with Doctor Walker, and wait tell after Merrill's visit with on Monday, then on next Wednesday he may have Chemo, because this Chemo can make Merrill have a stroke. We will tell you what happens next week.
Love Iris and Merrill

Nice visit and chemo

We sure had a nice visit with Bill and Myrna thanks to John and Sandra who took us up, It was great seeing everyone. And enjoyed Bill's and Myrna"s talk, Bill you made cry while you were talking. We love you all. Well Merrill has Chemo again today. He hasn't been feeling very good last couple of days, so I hope he can go ahead with chemo. Took him down to see Doctor Wylie because he been having headaches, So they drew blood and we go back on Tuesday and see what the results are. I really don't know how long Merrill has, I just hope he can make his fishing trip he wants to go on, maybe we need to make it earlier then he plans , I don't know. I just know I'm not ready to let him go. I go and talk to a Counseler name Jay Steineckert, and he helps me sort things out, he's been a real help to me and including he is a very good friend to me, with out him I would have been lost these 25 years, since I known him. Merrill like him too. Well I will go for now and get ready to take him, We want you to know now much we love you all and thank you for you surport.
Love Iris and Merrill

Echo Test

Merrill goes have a echo test on his heart today to see how pacemaker is working and how the heart is holding up to make sure all the values are ok. We want to thank everyone you calls us and talks with Merrill. Thank Karl and Carrie for the pictures. I let you know later how the test go. We love you all. Merrill felt a little sick with this last Chemo Theophy. Had to ttake him in for IV Fluids Tuesdat Morning, he is doing a little better. Love Iris and Merrill

Some fun pictures

Merrill Had Chemo

Merrill had Chemo today. It was not good news. The results of the scat scan shows that the tumors are larger than before. So Doctor Rich talked to us and told us what increasing his Chemo could do. It could cause a stroke, blood clots, or bleeding; if any of this happens we will call him. And he said even with increasing the Chemo we may only have a year left. But what can you say? We've done Chemo so far, so Merrill looked at me then at Doctor Rich then said "go ahead with the Chemo." We talked to Neil and told him what was going on. He said "wish it was better news." But we still want to go fishing this summer in Wyoming. We love you all.
Love Iris and Merrill

President Hinckley Dies

We just heard the President Hinckley died, We sure will miss him. He was a very good Man in everything he stood for, a son, a brother, a husband, a father, a friend, and most of all your Prophet of the Church. How we will have to teach your grandchildren of his great work just like all of the other Prophets. I enjoyed listening to him when he would talk at conferences. I know he is with his wife now who he loved very deeply. We do know that he was a true devoted person. Well we love you all.
Love Iris and Merrill

Hi Chemo Today

Neil came over and took Merrill to chemo today. I have not been feeling very good, I have had a sore throat and ache all over and had chills. I went to the doctor the other day and he gave me some Azithromycin Tablets, an Antibiotic, and some cough syrup with a decongestant, antihistamine in it. Merrill been feeling pretty good but tired all the time. I think it is from the chemo that he is tired. Well we will see what happens today. I don't remember, if I told you but he will be done some time in April with chemo. And we will see how things are then.
Love Iris and Merrill

Blood Test Results

Merrill went to the cancer clinic today, and they drew blood. They said his blood counts were good. His white cells were where they should be. He has eight more treatments, so that means somewhere in April he will be done with chemo. On the 31st the will do another scat scan and see if the chemo is working. They will take pictures of his liver and what ever else. So we will inform you of the results of them when they are done.
Love Iris and Merrill

Stress Test Results

Today Brad called from Dr. Walker's office and said they got results back and everything looked good and Merrill's heart was pumping like it should.
Love Iris and Merrill

Anniversary

Wednesday is our 18th anniversary. We have a doctor appointment with Dr. Day, then we are going to use the gift card Neil and Meghan gave us for Christmas to the Outback restaurant to eat . I can't believe it has been 18 years but I am very thankful for Merrill, he been patient with me. I don't know anyone who would have put up with four boys that were not his. He told me one day when he was in the hospital that he loved his children, even my sons. That made me feel very good. I love him very much. We will write later and tell you what the doctor says.
Love Iris and Merrill

Insulin

Well they didn't change is insulin today, they want to know what in his chemo so when we went over to have the pump remove, I talk to Tracy, and she gave me a lisit of what was in his chemo so we could take over to Dr. Days office so Lisa could look at and go from there. So we probably won't hear from them today.
Love Iris and Merrill

INSULIN CHANGE

Merill had his chemo yesterday and today he feels a little down, his blood sugar been high but we talked to Lisa, one of Dr. Day's assistants and she told us to give him more Lantus and increase his Humalog. She was going to talk to Dr. Day and find out about a different Insulin to start him on and see it would work better, but haven't heard back from her yet. Will let you know tomorrow if they change it. We love you all.
Iris and Merrill

CHEMO

Merrill's going to have chemo today we will be back this afternoon. We love you all and send your blessing to you.
Love Iris and Merrill

STRESS TEST

Merrill went to have a stress test today, because last time he was at the doctor he complained of chest pains so Doctor Walker decided to make sure everything is ok. We will find out the results later. If they find any thing wrong they will go in between chemo and fix it. He goes tomorrow for chemo again.

BLOG

This blog is to keep everyone updated on Merrill. Hopefully this will help everyone know what is going on without Iris having to call everyone after each appointment and test.